so excited to go to gainesville today. havent been in a year and a half. friends, beards, beers, bikes. and the draft is playing a last minute show at common grounds which is where i was gonna end up anyways tonight.
Crime In Stereo - I'm On The Guestlist, Motherfucker
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a year ago id have felt like this:
Incapable of holding down real jobs And can't make rent So for a life in the arts We deem ourselves destined
Skip across my record collection Until a song strikes my soul Until it distances the earth Between me and my home
With the lazy shame of my parents' money And the senseless sweat of my own Kids, we're in this together You're my new consumer and I don't want to move back home
So put a big black sticker on the front That says "for fans of..." And you can donate a penny to my future pension We've got big retail chain front-of-store displays But remember it's 3-grand for a half-page ad So you better be paying attention
Yeah, you're a beautiful consumer And I don't want to move back home So download all the songs we wrote And hype it up with some bullshit quotes Yeah, we're on a roll
but nowadays i feel more like:
If it seems as of late I've stopped sitting around talking about the bands I hate Maybe I'm starting to relate How could anyone have anything to say?
And if your inspiration's vacant It's 'cause you're sitting in a basement Wasting away day after day I feel the same way How can anyone have anything to say?
When was the last time anything happened to me? Of limited income and even less experience When was the first time you thought this is where we should always be? So vacant day after day This is the last time you'll see the likes of me
I could stay and play the part of the youngest has-been In the dark at card tables, rehashing old visions Put the impending glory aside and make the same decisions in life As my parents, take the rightful place as the patron saint of...
When was the last time anything happened to me? Of limited income and even less experience When was the first time you thought this is where we should always be? So vacant day after day This is the last time you'll see the likes of me
I'm worth my weight in the glory of yesterday I'm worth my weight in the glory of yesterday I'm worth my weight in the glory of yesterday I'm worth my weight in the glory of yesterday I'm worth my weight in the glory of yesterday Worth my weight in vacancy
nov 26: rehoboth, delaware dec 10-11: west virginia dec 21: savannah, georgia dec 22-29: south florida dec 30 - jan 1: nassau, bahamas jan 1 (eve): (Possibly) gainesville, florida jan 2: baltimore, maryland jan 25: sayerville, new jersey (hot water music) feb 27: washington, D.C. feb 28: frankfurt/heidelburg, germany mar 1: (possibly) strausbourg, france mar 2: konstanz, germany mar 3-4: switzerland/liechtenstein mar 5-9: austria mar 10-14: slovakia/czech republic mar 15-21: morocco mar 22-24: ??? mar 25: baltimore, maryland apr-'08: ???, florida, puerto rico, costa rica, ???
it's a revelation, a moment of clarity, and i am trapped inside this moment deadlines are left to die and i guess i am truly free. my brain was spent i worried as i fell in knee deep where consequences and circumstances suffocated and i could barely breathe. and by all means, this rain should be bringing me down. baltimore is keeping me in tune with just right now and a song that tends to be so oddly timed. the city is cold and miserable but i am not. all we are is all we've started. all could be gone.
SO LET'S BEGIN! i often wonder if i'll ever finish all i've started, and the answer i have found is NO. no, i will never finish all that i have started because life is about doing, the process and not the result. life is about doing whether you want to or not.
MY LIFE!: a constant work in progress and i wouldn't have it any other way. take a look back. is that what you wanted? chances are that it's not what was intended to be, because it's gonna be better than everything. everything, you will see, comes together in it's own ironic kind of way, so live in just today. in my eyes i hold a vision in contradiction of what once existed.
part of the area where i'm from became re-flooded from another hurricane. while driving around a remote area with my mom, we came across a marsh-like everglades area with sequoias and spanish moss everywhere. there was a tiny dock with a small motorboat, enough for 4-6 people to fit in it. i took the boat across what was now a lake to a sort of house isolated in the middle/other side of it. i tied it up to the side of the wooden house and went in. it was exactly how i left it years prior. i had totally forgotten all about it. it was bigger than what i recalled. sort of like the shack on the farm in the black forest in germany from when i was a kid. there was a fridge with some bottled water and a small tv and a box of oreos was still there. in the small 'living room' area for lack of a better word there were framed pictures from earlier times on this lake. me and cam and my friends all fishing. one with cam and two big ass sailfish he had caught (which was ridiculous because not only would fish that large be in this lake, but also they live in salt water). for some reason there were some old pictures of cams dad around too, from before he was born, as if he had previously come to this small lake house. he had a beard, and longer hair, and cam's resemblance to him was more evident than before. as i started to collect these photos to bring back to cam before the house collapsed into the lake or would be destroyed by another hurricane, someone was ambling around outside. i hid out of fear, just below the windows/door. trying to get a better glance i would clandestinely peer over the windows enough to see it was a black man (who perhaps lived somewhere else on this side of the lake/property). eventually, he saw me and shots were fired through the windows and door at me into the house. through much consternation and yelling, i was able to establish the fact that i was unarmed and eventually he came in and apologized, stating that he wasn't sure who i was. we talked about the area, i explained how i had previously come to this place, and i gave him some water. some time later, i returned to the other shore to bring cam back here and show him my discoveries. as he meandered through the house, i took a moment to explore the back, finding to bedrooms and a back door which i didn't remember from the last time i was here. i opened the back door to find a very large grassy embankment on an upwards incline. there were massive trees on the far side of the hill which, beyond, would no doubt lead to forest and other residences. i sat besides the door and heard a scampering of feet which i had not heard in ages. your dog came running around the side of the house and jumped on top of me, greeting me warmly. you were only a few steps behind. i got up excitedly and gave you a long overdue genuine hug. the type you give if you haven't seen someone in years, which, i regret to say it seems like it's been. i asked what you were doing here and you said i don't know, i saw your car on the other side of the lake, so i thought i might find you here. which, in retrospect, is kind of funny, since you've never seen my car (or the imaginary lake house of my dreams). we sat backs against the side of the old wooden house and watched the post-hurricane winds sing through the branches of the hundred year old trees on the hill and talked about a lot of things that were going on in our lives. i mentioned the 'good old days' and you laughed and smiled when you reflected on them. the sentiment that we both wished we could go back to those days clearly did not need to be verbalized. i talked about my plans and the last year and a half and whatever other current lamentations had come to mind. you turned to me and in the quiet, overcast breeze of midday told me that it was ok. you told me not to worry so much. you told me that things would be alright. i doubted you with a half-hearted chuckle and you half smiled in return, knowing our history of pessimism which we both would often speak of. you told me we should both probably get going before the storm returned. i opposed and protested. your dog got up from sitting next to us and so did you with a smile. you said how good it was to see me and that you would again, one day. i again protested as you offered your hand and i stood up facing you. you looked at me with your warm, caring eyes. and i looked at you. knowing that i wouldn't see you again for a very, very, very long time, maybe even never. you looked at me. i looked at you. we looked at eachother...
and then i woke up. and that was my first mistake so far today.
Answers proved aloof or elusive and always seemed to be conducive to mood swings. With tempers flaring we took those tattered chi's and ideologies out of their vaults.
Our faults aren't our fault.
Now we're better than ever.
We drowned our problems in the whiskey. The bottom of the bottle dripped as clean as our conscience and we slept unconscious. We smoked our drugs and cigarettes to cleanse regrets, and always betted on regretting the outcome. We did, and then some... We rinsed our nicotine stained fingers double clean.
We dropped back to default. Our faults aren't our fault.
Now we're better than ever.
Regressions left our lessons laid out for our attention. A tension left us open to change. Three cheers for hoping! Reason ain't our long suit.
its weird when someone close to you passes away. well, weird is probably the most ambiguous adjective i could use at a time like this. i havent felt this way in so long. years. and this was definately out of all the people whom ive known, the closest friend ive had for this to happen to. ill never forget all our aim conversations about hating women/men, stealing wine from bistro and getting wasted at courtneys (i still have the cork), exchanging new music online, arguing about whether the bronx was from ny or LA at atlantic before she moved back to boston (i won that one btw), or staying at her place with joe in boston just this past dec. i know she missed her nana a lot and her pets (rat fink). i hope you can finally rest easy, wherever you are, i know this last year was a tough one. xoxo the few pictures i have...
...but some fellow has taken it upon himself to sleep under the tree Right outside my bedroom window. like passed out completely. and i totally ran down and snapped a pic. in my underwear. silly drunks.
im sick of the whole sanjaya thing. ok, it was funny for a few weeks, but when i go to parties and people substitute my name for his cause they dont remember mine....finally that d-bag got kicked off. and while were at it, thank god its warming up because im also sick of people making fun of my canadian tux whenever i wear a jean jacket.
if i get a hotel room in the keys next weekend instead of jamaica (which got nixed), whos gonna drive down to party?
im going home for my bday weekend april 25-may 1. on saturday, april 28 im planning on going to UCF in orlando to camp out with a few thousand friends in a makeshift cardboard village to show solidarity for the millions of people displaced in northern uganda. last year 80,000 people participated but i was moving back to so fl. anyone want to go with me or meet up in otown for a good cause?
heres a summary
and more information here www.invisiblechildren.com/displaceme
if anyone else wants to party their face off that weekend with me, holla.
which hit stores today is truly and honestly, for lack of a better word...
epic. i honestly could not ever imagine someone doing anything even remotely original with hardcore or heavy music in general. but wow. any band that can retreat to sweden for half a year and make the darkest album of their careers while still making banjo, slide guitar, and mandolin Not sound cheesey...
i was skeptical when thePRP said this cd was to metalcore what the Refused's (greatest band ever) 'Shape of Punk to Come' was to nu-metal, but they were dead on.
in other news, anyone else besides me who cares...no one. we got the new shirts we designed in. ill post pics soon. we played with Men, Women, & Children last night. they were pretty amazing. one of the best live bands ever. up there with radiohead and converge. yeah, That good. things are going swell up here. and i should have my computer back soon. right now im basking in the glorious afternoon sunlight drinking a yueningling in my Fest V coozy. about to head to IKEA, seeeee yaaa.
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