It's The Glamor That Kills

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 15:44:38 GMT

so excited to go to gainesville today. havent been in a year and a half. friends, beards, beers, bikes. and the draft is playing a last minute show at common grounds which is where i was gonna end up anyways tonight.

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 15:26:12 GMT

for any chuck palahniuk fans...

Florida

Sat, 31 May 2008 04:32:21 GMT

holla at me.

starting

....now

a few selections from europe and morocco

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 17:48:50 GMT

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 21:00:16 GMT

The Impending Glory of American Adulthood

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 17:52:00 GMT

a year ago id have felt like this:

Incapable of holding down real jobs
And can't make rent
So for a life in the arts
We deem ourselves destined

Skip across my record collection
Until a song strikes my soul
Until it distances the earth
Between me and my home

With the lazy shame of my parents' money
And the senseless sweat of my own
Kids, we're in this together
You're my new consumer and I don't want to move back home

So put a big black sticker on the front
That says "for fans of..."
And you can donate a penny to my future pension
We've got big retail chain front-of-store displays
But remember it's 3-grand for a half-page ad
So you better be paying attention

Yeah, you're a beautiful consumer
And I don't want to move back home
So download all the songs we wrote
And hype it up with some bullshit quotes
Yeah, we're on a roll

but nowadays i feel more like:

If it seems as of late
I've stopped sitting around talking about the bands I hate
Maybe I'm starting to relate
How could anyone have anything to say?

And if your inspiration's vacant
It's 'cause you're sitting in a basement
Wasting away day after day
I feel the same way
How can anyone have anything to say?

When was the last time anything happened to me?
Of limited income and even less experience
When was the first time you thought this is where we should always be?
So vacant day after day
This is the last time you'll see the likes of me

I could stay and play the part of the youngest has-been
In the dark at card tables, rehashing old visions
Put the impending glory aside and make the same decisions in life
As my parents, take the rightful place as the patron saint of...

When was the last time anything happened to me?
Of limited income and even less experience
When was the first time you thought this is where we should always be?
So vacant day after day
This is the last time you'll see the likes of me

I'm worth my weight in the glory of yesterday
I'm worth my weight in the glory of yesterday
I'm worth my weight in the glory of yesterday
I'm worth my weight in the glory of yesterday
I'm worth my weight in the glory of yesterday
Worth my weight in vacancy

tentative travel plans

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 03:01:58 GMT

nov 26: rehoboth, delaware
dec 10-11: west virginia
dec 21: savannah, georgia
dec 22-29: south florida
dec 30 - jan 1: nassau, bahamas
jan 1 (eve): (Possibly) gainesville, florida
jan 2: baltimore, maryland
jan 25: sayerville, new jersey (hot water music)
feb 27: washington, D.C.
feb 28: frankfurt/heidelburg, germany
mar 1: (possibly) strausbourg, france
mar 2: konstanz, germany
mar 3-4: switzerland/liechtenstein
mar 5-9: austria
mar 10-14: slovakia/czech republic
mar 15-21: morocco
mar 22-24: ???
mar 25: baltimore, maryland
apr-'08: ???, florida, puerto rico, costa rica, ???

i hate you

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 05:57:41 GMT

so so much. why the fuck would you ever say one word to me, let alone two? go hug an oncoming train.

i was having such a good night, week, month...

halloween week

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 17:24:31 GMT

cam as me, yamil as joe, and me as me, circa '89

me in agra-ba

more to come soon.

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 16:41:54 GMT

it's a revelation, a moment of clarity,
and i am trapped inside this moment deadlines are left to die
and i guess i am truly free.
my brain was spent i worried as i fell in knee deep
where consequences and circumstances suffocated and i could barely breathe.
and by all means, this rain should be bringing me down.
baltimore is keeping me in tune with just right now
and a song that tends to be so oddly timed.
the city is cold and miserable but i am not.
all we are is all we've started. all could be gone.

SO LET'S BEGIN!
i often wonder if i'll ever finish all i've started, and the answer i have found is NO.
no, i will never finish all that i have started because life is about doing,
the process and not the result.
life is about doing whether you want to or not.

MY LIFE!: a constant work in progress and i wouldn't have it any other way.
take a look back. is that what you wanted?
chances are that it's not what was intended to be, because it's gonna be better than everything.
everything, you will see, comes together in it's own ironic kind of way, so live in just today.
in my eyes i hold a vision in contradiction of what once existed.

one thing ive learned about living up north where trees shed in fall:

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 20:56:09 GMT

fuuuuuuuuck allergies

which ive never had to deal with before. ever.

i had a dream last night

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 17:25:26 GMT

part of the area where i'm from became re-flooded from another hurricane. while driving around a remote area with my mom, we came across a marsh-like everglades area with sequoias and spanish moss everywhere. there was a tiny dock with a small motorboat, enough for 4-6 people to fit in it. i took the boat across what was now a lake to a sort of house isolated in the middle/other side of it. i tied it up to the side of the wooden house and went in. it was exactly how i left it years prior. i had totally forgotten all about it. it was bigger than what i recalled. sort of like the shack on the farm in the black forest in germany from when i was a kid. there was a fridge with some bottled water and a small tv and a box of oreos was still there. in the small 'living room' area for lack of a better word there were framed pictures from earlier times on this lake. me and cam and my friends all fishing. one with cam and two big ass sailfish he had caught (which was ridiculous because not only would fish that large be in this lake, but also they live in salt water). for some reason there were some old pictures of cams dad around too, from before he was born, as if he had previously come to this small lake house. he had a beard, and longer hair, and cam's resemblance to him was more evident than before. as i started to collect these photos to bring back to cam before the house collapsed into the lake or would be destroyed by another hurricane, someone was ambling around outside. i hid out of fear, just below the windows/door. trying to get a better glance i would clandestinely peer over the windows enough to see it was a black man (who perhaps lived somewhere else on this side of the lake/property). eventually, he saw me and shots were fired through the windows and door at me into the house. through much consternation and yelling, i was able to establish the fact that i was unarmed and eventually he came in and apologized, stating that he wasn't sure who i was. we talked about the area, i explained how i had previously come to this place, and i gave him some water. some time later, i returned to the other shore to bring cam back here and show him my discoveries. as he meandered through the house, i took a moment to explore the back, finding to bedrooms and a back door which i didn't remember from the last time i was here. i opened the back door to find a very large grassy embankment on an upwards incline. there were massive trees on the far side of the hill which, beyond, would no doubt lead to forest and other residences. i sat besides the door and heard a scampering of feet which i had not heard in ages. your dog came running around the side of the house and jumped on top of me, greeting me warmly. you were only a few steps behind. i got up excitedly and gave you a long overdue genuine hug. the type you give if you haven't seen someone in years, which, i regret to say it seems like it's been. i asked what you were doing here and you said i don't know, i saw your car on the other side of the lake, so i thought i might find you here. which, in retrospect, is kind of funny, since you've never seen my car (or the imaginary lake house of my dreams). we sat backs against the side of the old wooden house and watched the post-hurricane winds sing through the branches of the hundred year old trees on the hill and talked about a lot of things that were going on in our lives. i mentioned the 'good old days' and you laughed and smiled when you reflected on them. the sentiment that we both wished we could go back to those days clearly did not need to be verbalized. i talked about my plans and the last year and a half and whatever other current lamentations had come to mind. you turned to me and in the quiet, overcast breeze of midday told me that it was ok. you told me not to worry so much. you told me that things would be alright. i doubted you with a half-hearted chuckle and you half smiled in return, knowing our history of pessimism which we both would often speak of. you told me we should both probably get going before the storm returned. i opposed and protested. your dog got up from sitting next to us and so did you with a smile. you said how good it was to see me and that you would again, one day. i again protested as you offered your hand and i stood up facing you. you looked at me with your warm, caring eyes. and i looked at you. knowing that i wouldn't see you again for a very, very, very long time, maybe even never.
you looked at me.
i looked at you.
we looked at eachother...

and then i woke up.
and that was my first mistake so far today.

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 05:14:01 GMT

We turned our questions into burning obsessions.

Some asked: "Why me?"
Others cried: "Why everybody else except me? Accept me!"

Answers proved aloof or elusive and always seemed to be conducive to mood swings.
With tempers flaring we took those tattered chi's and ideologies out of their vaults.

Our faults aren't our fault.

Now we're better than ever.

We drowned our problems in the whiskey.
The bottom of the bottle dripped as clean as our conscience and we slept unconscious.
We smoked our drugs and cigarettes to cleanse regrets, and always betted on regretting the outcome.
We did, and then some...
We rinsed our nicotine stained fingers double clean.

We dropped back to default. Our faults aren't our fault.

Now we're better than ever.

Regressions left our lessons laid out for our attention.
A tension left us open to change.
Three cheers for hoping!
Reason ain't our long suit.

For Kelly Wallace

Sun, 06 May 2007 23:03:00 GMT

its weird when someone close to you passes away. well, weird is probably the most ambiguous adjective i could use at a time like this. i havent felt this way in so long. years. and this was definately out of all the people whom ive known, the closest friend ive had for this to happen to. ill never forget all our aim conversations about hating women/men, stealing wine from bistro and getting wasted at courtneys (i still have the cork), exchanging new music online, arguing about whether the bronx was from ny or LA at atlantic before she moved back to boston (i won that one btw), or staying at her place with joe in boston just this past dec. i know she missed her nana a lot and her pets (rat fink). i hope you can finally rest easy, wherever you are, i know this last year was a tough one. xoxo
the few pictures i have...

I know it's a really nice night out...

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 04:04:13 GMT

...but some fellow has taken it upon himself to sleep under the tree Right outside my bedroom window. like passed out completely. and i totally ran down and snapped a pic. in my underwear. silly drunks.

honestly

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 17:17:40 GMT

im sick of the whole sanjaya thing. ok, it was funny for a few weeks, but when i go to parties and people substitute my name for his cause they dont remember mine....finally that d-bag got kicked off. and while were at it, thank god its warming up because im also sick of people making fun of my canadian tux whenever i wear a jean jacket.

if i get a hotel room in the keys next weekend instead of jamaica (which got nixed), whos gonna drive down to party?

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 05:08:55 GMT

we are okay, in a misguided, sadist way, we are okay
we are okay, in a disabled veteran way, we are okay

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 05:23:58 GMT

im going home for my bday weekend april 25-may 1. on saturday, april 28 im planning on going to UCF in orlando to camp out with a few thousand friends in a makeshift cardboard village to show solidarity for the millions of people displaced in northern uganda. last year 80,000 people participated but i was moving back to so fl. anyone want to go with me or meet up in otown for a good cause?

heres a summary

and more information here
www.invisiblechildren.com/displaceme

if anyone else wants to party their face off that weekend with me, holla.

Poison The Well's 'Versions'

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 20:36:08 GMT

which hit stores today is truly and honestly, for lack of a better word...

epic.
i honestly could not ever imagine someone doing anything even remotely original with hardcore or heavy music in general. but wow. any band that can retreat to sweden for half a year and make the darkest album of their careers while still making banjo, slide guitar, and mandolin Not sound cheesey...

i was skeptical when thePRP said this cd was to metalcore what the Refused's (greatest band ever) 'Shape of Punk to Come' was to nu-metal, but they were dead on.

in other news, anyone else besides me who cares...no one. we got the new shirts we designed in. ill post pics soon. we played with Men, Women, & Children last night. they were pretty amazing. one of the best live bands ever. up there with radiohead and converge. yeah, That good. things are going swell up here. and i should have my computer back soon. right now im basking in the glorious afternoon sunlight drinking a yueningling in my Fest V coozy. about to head to IKEA, seeeee yaaa.

A Haiku For Myke

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 15:04:11 GMT

Nothing is achieved
Five year party, ($)100k
Bill. Education...?

Sometimes At Night...

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 06:13:36 GMT

...i watch the mice cross the kitchen floor
i used to think they came from the fireplace
but they come in under the pantry door
i get so close i can touch them all
on the nights i wait up for your call

the landlord asks if we've seen 'em
she'll set traps, but i just spring 'em
my roommates say we should kill them all
but they'll stay up with me
the nights you never call
on those nights you never call

this song is not only awesome (thanks rach). but also true. im sitting up late alone and the mouse we thought we got out of our apt a few days ago walked casually into the kitchen and behind the pantry. stan walked out and i told him and he goes 'sonofabitch!' i like him, but no one else does.

i have lots of good pictures from the past month, but my computer is still broken.

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 06:29:11 GMT

i hope you don't take this the wrong way
lol
but did you watch full house?
hahaha
you remind me of jesse
in these pics
me: hahahah
lolz
me: thats amazing

pictures in question from the rock and roll show yesterday are here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7196174@N07/

besides that, this has by far been the craziest, shittiest, most ridiculous week ive had in years. and i cant wait for it to end by going to bed momentarily with my iPillow grandma sent me. which, in case you were wondering, is a ridiculously comfortable pillow with a little speaker built right in the middle which you plug your ipod into.

Oh Yeah, And...

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 06:45:50 GMT

...FUCK the last 14 hours. roomates in jail. people dying. what the fuck. when rains, it pours.

april 1st

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 16:13:47 GMT

...were opening for Men, Women, & Children.

fick dich florida

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 07:50:14 GMT

i moved to baltimore yesterday to join my friends rock band. see ya.

and theres some snow here.